Reflection is a word that I don't take lightly. I both like and hate it. I like the act of reflection. I don't like to see my reflection. These past few days I've been silent due to reflection, the former, not latter, although arguably, that could have caused silence also.
In December I decided to end my 5-year tumultuous relationship with my quasi business of card making. The company I dealt with wanted more money and the bottom line was decidedly red, thus the end was at hand. At the time I felt both elation and sadness. I was grateful to be freed from bondage, allowing myself the chance to really think about what I wanted to do now. And sad because the whole thing never played out the way I thought it could. Now, here I am a month later, poorer and none the wiser for my thoughts on what to be when I grow up. I've been having those imaginary conversations with myself again. I surf around blogdom and see what so-and-so does and talk to myself about how good I could be at that. Or I look at job postings and wonder if I could swing it.
This month, I decided to be the 100 percent housewife/mother. The CEO of my home per se.
I've run into a glass ceiling. I don't clean well. I actually am a horrible housewife. My mind cannot grasp a simple task of, say, cleaning the kitchen. A normal person would just clean and be done with it in 15 minutes (thanks to Fly lady). I, on the other hand, start and get distracted by a catalog, which makes me think of a scrapbook page idea, which brings me over to my table across from the kitchen, which reminds of the burp clothes I'm supposed to be working on, which brings to mind the load of laundry I need to switch over. So realistically I can get the kitchen clean in about 3 hours, making about 10 complete revolutions around the house. The other thing I've realized is that you can literally do laundry ALL DAY LONG. Hello?! Who wants to do that? Not I, said the pig.
So I'm kind of struggling here. I feel like a housekeeping idiot. Where can I go to learn about how to keep a house clean? I've tried that Fly Lady bit, and each time reading her site is like Greek to me. So what's a girl to do?
In a related but separate topic, do you ever think about what you would do if your husband met an untimely demise? This restless housewife mood I'm in lately tends to bring this question to my mind a lot. I'm a degree welding writer/journalist, but it would be really hard to do that as a single parent. I could go back to school to become a teacher, but if I can't really stand my 3 kids without periodic seclusion, I don't think 25 would a good fit. Nurses have good hours, but that would take an act of God for me to pass any type of science classes. This problem is not yet solved. Just wanted to know if you women (since that is the only audience I capture) ever think about it and what you would do.
Update on the kiddles:
Mr. M has a tooth hanging on for dear life. For the love of all that's holy, I hope it falls out soon on its own, because I can't even think about pulling it. Ugh.
Princess has been tattle telling on herself a lot lately. The funniest was the other day she walked up to me and whispered in my ear "Sometimes I pee in the pool." I plan to capture this all in a hilarious scrapbook page for posterity to enjoy.
Little C is OBSESSED with trains lately. I foolishly downloaded, "Chugga Chugga Choo-Choo" by Choo Choo Soul on iTunes. He asks for it constantly. It's ruining my nice bedtime routine with him because I just can't convincingly remember all the words to the dang song.
4 years ago
4 comments:
Sometimes I think we share the same brain (scary). I have a tough time with being the mom/housewife 100% of the time. Funny- always thought (as you know) that it was what I really, really wanted to do. But now, it's so much tougher in every way than I thought. So I am always scheming on what I can do on the side. But then I refer to JAM and how it turned something I loved into a "job." Which didn't work. But I am still wondering what it is that you think we should do someday (you teased me with this awhile back- 'I've thought of something we should do together when our kids are bigger.' Or something along those lines).
For some reason lately I have been thinking there really needs to be a COOL sewing magazine. Granted, I'm a novice. But kinda like how Creating Keepsakes lit the scrapbook world on fire. There needs to be a sewing mag that's fun, cool, up to date. More chic than grandma's cat fabric quilts. Ya know? Do you have millions lying around that I don't know about that you'd like to contribute to my wild ideas?
Also- the cleaning thing. No ideas. If you could only see my laundry now. I told Jess the other day it's my nemesis. Really, if I die soon someone needs to put on my gravestone, "Suffocated from piles of laundry." Or something with a little more ring to it. But you get the idea.
I think we are similar- creative types. Creative types and cleaning don't go over well. I really realized that having my MIL living with us. She and I are polar opposites. She's ALWAYS cleaning. Can't sit still. I on the other hand can't sit still because I'm always doing some sort of project. And I'm sure my MIL thought I was looney. Oh well. I thought she was too. So I have CRAP strewn all over my house. But that's how creative people are I think. I don't know anyone who thrives on being creative that is really neat(at least that's how I justify it). Like I think, 'Poor Josh, he'll never have a spic-spot house.' But then I realize, 'He's got a creative wife who is always creating. He must have liked that about me or he wouldn't have married me.'
Ok surprisingly I could still write more. I think we need to chat or email more. But I do LOVE reading your comments. Especially when you said you never thought you'd see the day when I'd become a runner. I will so prove you wrong. :)
1. Love the new look of your blog! I can totally tell you know design.
2. This was a big decision. Wow. The transition is difficult, but you'll be okay. A season for everything, right?
3. Try flylady again. Her system is like magic, I swear. Do the flybaby part; it's on her sidebar. I'm serious--go do it. Her website is like greek. It's not very well organized. So just click on "beginner babysteps" on the sidebar & be patient and do it exactly the way she says. In 2 months, you will be amazed. Basically, you set up for yourself a routine for morning, a routine for nighttime, and LATER--after you've done the babysteps--you add a weekly routine. Don't make it any more complicated than that. Seriously. You will feel the housecleaning anxiety melt away after 2 or 3 months.
4. Hmmmm. As far as what to do when we grow up. That's a toughie! I was an English/History teacher. I may go back to that when my kids are big. I may not.
Why don't you write a book? I think you'd be good at that. Start now!
Thanks for the encouragement ladies! Miq- I know you will prove me wrong ... I plan on that. So we do need to chat. The idea I had was a crazy out of this world hard idea, but along the lines of what you mentioned in the comment. Some kind of crafty magazine or ezine that could give women amazing ideas and jumping off point ... but how to accomplish it??
Crystal ... I will try Fly lady again. So ironic that her site is completely unorganized, yet the very topic ...
My blog site drives me a bit batty actually ... I can't figure out how to customize it better ... any ideas or places to learn?? I hate HTML ... I tried learning is at BYU ... once again Greek ... too close to the science thing.
Julia, you are super talented and you have it in you to do amazing things. Be creative. Design stuff. Write a book. Keep reflecting.
Just thought I'd point out that you cleaning the kitchen is me too. It seems like I'm not that productive to the naked eye, but really, I didn't just clean the kitchen in 3 hours. I also did half a jigsaw puzzle, cut out fabric for a quilt, went through a pile of bills, replaced the toilet paper with a new roll, did some email and blogging, and finished off that holiday candy.
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