Missing the Target

Here is my count of one hour of my day today:

10:54 — Honey wakes from nap.  Pull him out of the swaddle (still in it for naps) and yell to Mr. M and Miss A to "get your shoes on, we're going to Target."  Go to my bedroom pull back my hair and change out of my stretch pants.  Still haven't gotten to the point where I'm okay with wearing stretch pants shopping.

11:04  — Everyone is in the car and buckled.  Haven't checked for shoes.  Hoping they have them on.

11:14 — Mr. M: "Why are we driving so long?"  Me: "Because I didn't want to go to the Target by the mall."  Missing the Target that used to be down the street.

11:18 — Arrive at Target in the midst of a downpour.  Put blanket over carseat and make a dash inside.  Silently thank my friend for taking Little C this morning.  Getting him and baby inside would have tantamount to failure.  Would have quit and drove back home.

11:22 —  Wander around the handbag aisle looking for something cute.  Decide that if I'm going to pay $30 for a purse I'd rather go to Marshall's and get one in real leather.  Decide to pull out the purse rat pooped in and replace the missing liner (threw that in the trash the day after rodent made himself at home).  

11:28 —  Consent to purchasing 1 package of Peeps.  Listen as children fight over blue or pink, bringing both packages to me.  "Work it out," I say as I begin to walk away.  Miss A relents when Mr. M promises that next Easter will be a pink Peep Easter.

11:34 —  Just leaving the front of the store and feel a sense of urgency.  Cannot waste time.  Honey is a ticking time bomb.  Must stay focused.

11:35 — Notice that Madagascar 2 is on sale for $6.99.    Curse the pricing gods.  Two weeks ago paid $18.99 at Costco.  Stop and consider buying one of the Shrek movies at the same price.  Realize time wasting again.

11:37 — Pass girls clothing and resist the pull to look at the sales rack.

11:38 — Find Easter aisles PACKED with people.  Total chaos.  Send children to  toy department so I can find Easter basket items.  Wander slowly up and down the aisles looking for the staples:  Mini Reeses cups in pastel wrappers, Peanut M&Ms, Cadbury mini eggs, Robins eggs, jelly beans, Pez dispensers, plastic eggs and a chocolate bunny for each.  Only find Pez.  Decide I will not buy them for $4 each when I know off season they are $1.  Find M&Ms.  At least DH's basket will be full.

11:45 — Find pathetic little chocolate bunnies and nothing else.  Curse procrastination.  

11:46 — Leave Easter aisle feeling defeated.  Ponder whether children will complain if I fill their baskets with a homemade rice crispy treat in the shape of an egg.  Consider that buying $15 of candy for Easter a scam.  Feel smug about not buying into it.

11:47 — Feeling of defeat returns when I imagine tear-stained faces Easter morning ... "Sorry kids.  The Easter bunny must have run out of candy.  But he left these cool crispy treats."  Mentally run through my weekend and realize I will have to go to Costco (only shopping within 5 miles radius) and spend $35 on candy to save face.  Curse again.

11:48 — Find kids in toy aisle and deny all their requests.  Remind them of birthday-buying mission that brought us here in the first place.  Reject all toy suggestions.  Settle on game.  Decide in future that all friends we know that require a birthday present will get the same gift, to be rotated yearly, thereby taking out the guess work and last-minute trips to Target.  Make mental note to self to buy 15 gifts next time I have the money.

11:55 — Realize the time and herd children out of toy area.

11:56 — Checking out.  Preoccupied by my checkout process, I don't notice the checker in back of me caressing my infant's face ... "Oh cute, cute baby."  Turn, horrified to see her dirty money-changing fingers are all over Honey's face.  Repress urge to scream at her. Pull cart out of her reach.

11:59 —  Fume as I leave Target wondering why people are so stupid.   Wonder why I'm stupid enough to actually like shopping.