Gratitude #3

That I don't look like this anymore.

Last night we watched some old family videos together.  It was 2003.  Mr. M was squeaky and cute.  Miss A was chubby and charming.  DH was young and had a lot of hair!  And I.  Well.  I'd looked like I'd been beaten with an ugly stick.  Even the kids noticed.  Mr. M said, "Mom!  Wow.  What a change."  And Honey kept looking back at me and patting my hair and making sure that it was all crazy ugly like the video showed.  And do you know what?  It made me a little sad, that I'd spent all those years sacrificing my self esteem in the name of poverty.  Really.  Because back then I wouldn't even go to Super Cuts for a $12 hair cut because it was too expensive.  I cut my own hair.  And it wasn't pretty.

Then immediately I felt grateful.

1) Because I was apparently oblivious to how I really looked and I remember despite the daily, weekly, monthly struggle to survive, I was happy with my little family.  Yes, I wished we had a little extra money so I could worry less.  Yes, I remember being unhappy with the lumpiness of my body.  But happy with my two cute children and my hardworking husband.

 2) Because we've come so far.  Just this week I was bemoaning the fact that I felt like we'll always be struggling to get ahead.  And then there's this vivid pictorial reminder of just how far ahead we've come.  Yes, we still have the $1 headboard from IKEA's scrap pile I made that year at the front of our bed.  And yes, I still shop Target's clearance rack for my fashion statements (or lack of).  And I still have to look at the bank account to make sure there's enough to cover the bills.  But I don't worry when one of those bills is a little more than normal.  We have a beautiful home that we could live in forever.  We're paying down our student debt.  We've been blessed so abundantly.

3) Because I've finally get to take time for myself.  Believe me it wasn't for lack of desire or trying that I didn't take care of myself from 2000 to 2009.  And DH gave me every opportunity he could.  But my plans were the first up to the chopping block when it came priorities.  It was just what needed to happen for us to get through schooling and training and having babies and children.  And now.  Now!  It's so glorious!  I feel healthier than I ever felt.  This weekend I ran 10 miles.  After sleeping in until 7.   And when I came home DH, was cleaning the whole house with the kids.  The luxury!  And every morning he makes it a priority for me to get my exercise.  As Phil Dunfie said last week, "She has to run everyday or she goes crazy.  She's like a Border Collie."  That's me.  And I finally get to do it!

Really, what a sweet life!